Hangzhou Lovin’

This article by Mark Ames in the Exile is the best explanation of America’s political scence I have ever read. The only thing he gets wrong are the roots of Muslim discontent. This should be mandatory reading for every college freshmen.

“What makes it so difficult to accept the notion that the tweedy Left is an elite is that, compared to America’s real elite — the all-powerful, vampiric right-wing oligarchy–the tweed elite is insignificant. Somehow the kleptocrats managed to invert objective American reality, making themselves “regular folks” in the eyes of the Debbies, while liberals and leftists, whose platforms are designed to help the poor and middle-classes at the expense of the wealthy, have been successfully tagged “elitists.” How did it work out that Bush, a pampered prep school brat who came from generations of wealth and never had to struggle in his life, is considered “regular folks” by the regular folks, whereas Clinton, who came from truly horrible white trash in Arkansas, the kind of poor broken home that Debbie was only a step or two away from and may yet end up in herself, is considered an elitist?…

Americans have a choice between two elites, the leftwing intellectuals, or their remnants, and the right wing oligarchy. Guess which one will win. Here’s a hint: one side has the money, the industry, the lobbyists, the police, bean-bag guns, APC-mounted water cannons, stun guns, pepper spray, rubber bullets, a near-monopoly on mainstream media contacts and lots of psychologically-impressive expensive dark suits with stern ties. The other side has mountain bikes and the ability to create 10-foot tall papier-mache puppets. Oh no, don’t use the fucking puppets on us!”

Fuck America

A strange delusion possesses the working classes of the nations where capitalist civilization holds its sway. This delusion drags in its train the individual and social woes which for two centuries have tortured sad humanity. This delusion is the love of work, the furious passion for work, pushed even to the exhaustion of the vital force of the individual and his progeny. Instead of opposing this mental aberration, the priests, the economists and the moralists have cast a sacred halo over work. Blind and finite men, they have wished to be wiser than their God; weak and contemptible men, they have presumed to rehabilitate what their God had cursed. I, who do not profess to be a Christian, an economist or a moralist, I appeal from their judgement to that of their God; from the preachings of their religious, economics or free thought ethics, to the frightful consequences of work in capitalist society.

In capitalist society work is the cause of all intellectual degeneracy, of all organic deformity. Compare the thorough-bred in Rothschild’s stables, served by a retinue of bipeds, with the heavy brute of the Norman farms which plows the earth, carts the manure, hauls the crops. Look at the noble savage whom the missionaries of trade and the traders of religion have not yet corrupted with Christianity, syphilis and the dogma of work, and then look at our miserable slaves of machines.

“I like Chinese culture, Chinese food and above all Chinese women. They are beautiful.”

A bried history of hotties, Yo, The Hawkzullah knows what’s up.

Yo I got a myspace, add me bitchez

I’m back off the boat, and one of the perks is that I am able to catch the world cup without enduring the “soccer is for fags” glare of the rednecks on the boat. The problem is that I still have to endure the idiot coverage of the American announcers. They got the US game all wrong today. It wasn’t about how shitty the Americans played, the real story was how good the Czechs were. But instead everybody kept talking about how horrible the americans played, how their dreams are crushed, blah blah blah. The worst shit is when the announcer kept bringing up historical facts like, Teams down 2 - 0 have a record of 0-1-31 but they always win if the game was played on a sunday in a country that is predominantly catholic. Guess what, correlation does not mean causation, and in the case of historical sports statistics, they have nothing what so ever to do with games played in the future. My favorite is when people say, only european teams have won in europe, who gives a fuck, that shit happened 50 years ago. IT HAS ZERO EFFECT ON WHAT WILL HAPPEN NOW. I’m sorry statistical idiocy just pisses me off.

The real stat that people should have been paying attention to was the shots on goal, but I didn’t hear one announcer bring it up. In fact, they were pretty even, the Czechs had 4 on goal and the US had 3, (both teams total shots were even at 10). That’s not a very high number for either team, and the fact that the Czechs scored 3 out of 4 means they played an almost prefect game. They were able to score the early goal, then they played a defense game and capitalized on every counter attack they got. That was the major reason the US looked so flat on offense.

Not that the US played well, but against a team that was not as good as the Czechs, (probably everybody in the tournament except for brazil), the score could have been very different. The US isn’t screwed either, They will probably advance if they win two more games, and could even still advance if they win one and tie one. But shit, you listen to the people on the TV and it’s the end of line for US soccer.

And another thing. “Hostel” was the worst movie I’ve seen in a long time. It wasn’t scary and it made me hate Americans. Weak.

Why chinese is so damn hard

This article is pretty accurate description of my experience learning chinese. It’s a pain in the ass. Annoyingly I can’t copy and paste any of it so you will have to read it for yourselves. One thing that has changed since he wrote the essay is how much using computers changes learning chinese. I can probably write about 25 chinese charecters, but I would guess I can probably read around 500 and type about 300, this is because on a computer you can use PINYIN, the PRC romanization method, to type so you only need to remember the sound of charecter and it’s general shape. But besides that making it slightly easier to study chinese is still absuredly hard. It’s nice that a professor of chinese has my back on that

I’ve decided I’m going to become famous on the internet in China. As I see it there are three ways I can go about doing this.

1. Make a “date afu” site in the spirit of old site that used to go around with the turkish guy in his speedo? remember that? like back in aught aught, old school. Anyway, I would make it a really chessy site with lots of pop ups and shitty HTML. Here is some of the text

PPMM们欢迎欢迎来我的网站.我是一个美国帅哥.我很喜欢中国妹妹.我觉得在世界中国姑娘是最迷人呀!

我很喜欢联接西方和东方.我觉得感请和性欲是人最重要的事情.

如果你发仙我是一个勇敢聪明性感的绅士就快联系我。我的email是changmaoamo@blablah.com

This would of course be accompanied by pictures of me in recealing yet artful poses.

There are a couple problems tht could arise, most dealing with chinese people taking the site seriously. First they could hate me as a foriegn devil trying to steal their women, second your average talk between a boyfriend and girlfriend is so surpy sweet these days that this might not get noticed because it would be so mundane.

Of course It would be easier to just post naked pictures of my self like 刺猬木木, I do have a much nicer ass than she does.

Or the thrid option is to join a famous Chinese World of Warcraft clan and then commit adulatery with one of it’s founding members. This is a tried and true method, as you can see by reading tht link.

Of course my main object would be to eventually get a sponsorship deal with a Chinese company, prehaps hawking medicine to make your skin paler, or a convient fodable torture device that can be used to stretch your childerns bones so they can reach that all important 160cm mark. But what I would really like to do is follow in the steps of my evil dopelganger 大山, and sell 白酒, china’s native moonshine. Just think, I could have a palace in the countryside, in anhui or henan, a fucking castle. It would be decorated with the latest in fake chinese elegence. Huge fake crystal chandeliers, dog skins died to look like tiger skins on the walls, the wallpaper an amalgam of luis vuittan gucci and docli and gabbana emblems. I’d come down the spirling staircase, holding in my hands to crystal vases filled with baijiu. As I come down a trapdoor opens at the bottom of the stars and a platform emerges with two scantily clad hoes. I give a hearty laugh, then take a large swig from one of the vases, while pouring the other one all over the hoes. The screen fades out to the sight of them writhing in agony from the chemical burns.

Fucking sweet eh?

Feedback welcome!

Ahhh i have forgotten the joy of referal logs, but it seems that this site is still more popular than everybody elses, (espiecially greg’s) and threrefor I get hit up by the search engines. So here for your pleasure are some of the searches that landed people here.

Split pants

Gay hang zhou

ONE NINGHT IN SHANG HAI

chinese whores

how to stop pornagraphy e-mail

sould you eat dairy when your sick

AZZ&HIPS

i need your fuck hangzhou

From this small sample we can see the fine quality of writing and readers that come together in this small corner of cyberspace.

Part three

不尚贤使民不争。
Holding the most able men above others, brings the people only strife
不贵难得之货使民不为盗
Valuing rare goods above common ones, instigates the people to become thieves
不见可欲使民心不乱。
Seeing what one wants, causes confusion in the people’s hearts
是以圣人之治
It is for a wise man to harness the people by
虚其心
Emptying their hearts
实其腹
Filling their bellies
弱其志
Weakening their will
强其骨
Strengthening their bones
常使民无知无欲
Truly enable the people to posses no knowledge, no desires
使夫智者不敢为也
And cause men with wisdom to dare not act
为无为则无不治
Act without acting, in doing so disorder vanishes

Notes: This was relativily straight foward, I changed some negative statments into postive ones because it sounded better in english

Part 4

道冲而用之或不盈
Pour out practice, use it up, or never be filled
渊兮似万物之宗
From an abyss appears everything we encounter
解其纷
Their tangles are straitened
和其光
Their discord is harmonized
同其尘
Their dust is settled
湛兮似或存
In the depths it seems to have survived
吾不知谁之子
I do not know who reared it
象帝之先
It seems as if it was prior to god

Notes: The first line in this one is a bitch to parse. I like what I came up with but I don’t know if I carried over the feeling of flowing and water that is in this section. The it refers to practice or “dao”