I’ve decided I’m going to become famous on the internet in China. As I see it there are three ways I can go about doing this.
1. Make a “date afu” site in the spirit of old site that used to go around with the turkish guy in his speedo? remember that? like back in aught aught, old school. Anyway, I would make it a really chessy site with lots of pop ups and shitty HTML. Here is some of the text
PPMM们欢迎欢迎来我的网站.我是一个美国帅哥.我很喜欢中国妹妹.我觉得在世界中国姑娘是最迷人呀!
我很喜欢联接西方和东方.我觉得感请和性欲是人最重要的事情.
如果你发仙我是一个勇敢聪明性感的绅士就快联系我。我的email是changmaoamo@blablah.com
This would of course be accompanied by pictures of me in recealing yet artful poses.
There are a couple problems tht could arise, most dealing with chinese people taking the site seriously. First they could hate me as a foriegn devil trying to steal their women, second your average talk between a boyfriend and girlfriend is so surpy sweet these days that this might not get noticed because it would be so mundane.
Of course It would be easier to just post naked pictures of my self like 刺猬木木, I do have a much nicer ass than she does.
Or the thrid option is to join a famous Chinese World of Warcraft clan and then commit adulatery with one of it’s founding members. This is a tried and true method, as you can see by reading tht link.
Of course my main object would be to eventually get a sponsorship deal with a Chinese company, prehaps hawking medicine to make your skin paler, or a convient fodable torture device that can be used to stretch your childerns bones so they can reach that all important 160cm mark. But what I would really like to do is follow in the steps of my evil dopelganger 大山, and sell 白酒, china’s native moonshine. Just think, I could have a palace in the countryside, in anhui or henan, a fucking castle. It would be decorated with the latest in fake chinese elegence. Huge fake crystal chandeliers, dog skins died to look like tiger skins on the walls, the wallpaper an amalgam of luis vuittan gucci and docli and gabbana emblems. I’d come down the spirling staircase, holding in my hands to crystal vases filled with baijiu. As I come down a trapdoor opens at the bottom of the stars and a platform emerges with two scantily clad hoes. I give a hearty laugh, then take a large swig from one of the vases, while pouring the other one all over the hoes. The screen fades out to the sight of them writhing in agony from the chemical burns.
Fucking sweet eh?
Feedback welcome!
o shnap, i just thought of a name for myself 长山
du, alf, why don’t you write a nice book like the one greg was talking about writing on his site? something for the coffee table. and what’s the deal with his readership? it’s way more international than me, rehm and fuzz. did you hear? fuzz is no longer chinese. he got naturalized a few months ago.
my site is international, last month I got a visitor from the sudan, greg just gets bitchs ass danes, fuck them.
don’t knock the danes, they produce hot women. i either want to sleep with them, or their sisters (depending on gender). let’s not forget: they discovered australia, and so the foundation for people like rachel hunter and elle macpherson is british criminal with a dash of dansih.
dude, people from the sudan read my blog all the time, too. they also leave comments about how they’ve been reading it for two years and they ahve a new, mind-and-penis-expanding drug that i’ve just got to try.
I am helping someone in sudan get some money from a bank account that they can’t access since their civil war, and they are going to give me like two million dollars for my trouble, so yeah me and the suda are down too.
Alf this is one of your better posts to date. I think its time for you to update Your China Blog Sucks .com too.
Real people from the sudan read my blog, not just people trying to get money, believe me about this. I got the real international outreach.
I can’t believe I have to bring this up agian, but I need to remind you guys of micheal learns to rock? The band that made Rehm destroy his lamp? The fucking danes are dead to me.
Jamie, I will only post to yourchinablogsucks when i’m drunk, so you will have to wait at least another two weeks or transport some beer over here.
http://smellywhitey.sinosplice.com/archives/2005/05/11/111575019898371695/
that’s the micheal learns to rock post, my html didn’t turn out right. Read it. Never forgetr what the Danes have done to us. Never forget why we hate them.
Alf, don’t speak of that band again. I only have one lamp left in my room. Also i’m confused, did those video game freaks actually have an affair, or did they talk about having one. I hate video gamers. thats it wheres my fucking lamp.
wanna stuff cucumbers, koala bear pudding. grrrrrr woof woof.
ok….
Alf,
If you’re wondering why the mail hasn’t been flooding in, I think it’s because you have a typo in your e-mail address. I’m guessing it should be:
changmaomao@blablah.com
And not:
changmaoamo@blablah.com
I hope this helps you in your quest.
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hehe